So I have finally--tentatively--found a job. I have sent out tons of resumes and this morning, after I had given up hope about finding anything, I woke up to a job offer in my inbox. So, as of this morning I have a job. I will be working as a personal assistant; next week is my trial period. But I feel confident that I will be able to prove that I am capable. I think it is fair to say that I have a job, which means I can finally feel free to catch up on the blog.
Being unemployed is like winter--northwest winter. It is your own personal cloud, bobbing above your head reminding you that there is no money coming in, but that you still have expenses to pay. I felt guilty doing anything other than looking for a job. There were some activities that were okay to do, like house cleaning--I was still being productive and doing something nice for the housemates. I did yoga as an emotional release, because otherwise I felt like I was going insane. But other than that, everything else came with its own price tag of guilt. So before doing any activity other than looking for a job, I would check the guilt tag, decide if I could handle that amount of guilt for the day, and then--most of the time--I would skip it. The guilt tag for writing, by the way, is astronomical.
My mom kept telling me that writing would help--that it would act as a destresser. Now that I am out of school I feel like to need to approach writing with the seriousness one approaches a profession. If this is something I really want to do with my life than I need to work at it every day. I need to be structured, determined, and focused. I need to write everyday informally and formally. But this was way too much to handle when I kept imagining myself writing the check for next months rent--I would imagine rent being subtracted from my account. I would pencil out the math and when I wrote that zero balance my mind would shudder to a halt and turn off.
But now, I do not have to worry as much. I got the job offer this morning and I immediately wanted to start writing again. Someone flipped the light switch, that cloud of unemployment left me, and I can think again. I know I will have to learn how to write while I am stressed, but let's just take this one step at a time. First, I am going to finish the blog...even if everyone has stopped reading it. It will be good practice for me. My plan is to write one blog post a day (except weekends--come on we all need breaks) until the day comes when I no longer have anything about the bike trip to write.
For those who will still be reading--thanks for your patience. I will try to finish this soon :-)
